Faculty Academy 2007

Shannon Hauser

After driving down from Jersey I am slightly sunburned and a little exhausted but, I have arrived at the Faculty Academy.

Currently I am sitting right next to Alan Levine (zomg the CogDog!) and listening to Barbara Ganley share words of wisdom on slow-blogging and deep learing, it doesn’t get much better than this. Here’s a quote from one of Barbara’s students, “There’s links on blogs that don’t exist in real life” Exactly!! I couldn’t agree more. So many pieces of brilliance are flying at me that I cannot grab them all but, thanks to technology I’m sure I will read other people’s posts on her inspired lecture and hear the recorded version online.

More goodness to come!

If any of you follow me on Twitter you know that I spent most of the summer waiting to go back to school. In fact I’m pretty sure I spent more time communicating with people from the Mary Wash community then I did with a lot of my friends from home (sorry guys!). Missing people in this way may seem normal for some (or most, probably) but for whatever reason I’m rarely the kind of person that fears loosing connections with people or rather I’m rarely hurt by loosing a connection with someone. So, it was strange being so compelled to spend countless hours on the tubes, waiting for the next tweet or blog post. My mom started to get a little annoyed at how many hours I was spending on the internet. Thinking about how compelled I was to be part of this community I tried to put the pieces of the puzzle together but I have been coming up short. You see, I’m having an identity crisis.

So let me take you back to the “beginning”. Applying for colleges was a highly painful experience and could probably be used as guide on what not to do. I had to be forced to apply to at least four (which is exactly the amount I applied to). Sure I wanted to go to college for “the experience”, but that experience was just some vague and abstract concept I had gleaned from a few conversations with people and a few movies and tv shows. In some ways I did not want to go to college because the thought of another four years of classes did not appeal to me at all, in fact I really hated the idea. I’ve never been a very good student, usually from lack of effort. My goal was to get by with the minimum amount of effort and add in a good amount of procrastination. Horrible study habits, a big problem with procrastination, and a general attitude of caring very little about school would sum up my middle and high school experience. I even contemplated joining the Army (I took the ASVAB and met with a recruiter once) and then work on a degree later. Lucky for me I have a family who cares very much about me and in many ways their opinions were the deciding factor for why I went to Mary Washington.

As I entered college I was feeling wholly unfit to be there and very out of sorts.

Recently, I have had a couple of conversations with various people on identity and how in coming to a new place you end up establishing a new identity, whether its very similar to the old one or something new, a new identity is established. This new identity is formed by your past identity and in what the new community draws out of you. I know that many people perceive me far differently than how I see myself. A lot of me is still stuck in my past identity, even though I have unknowingly been creating a new one.

And in my search to understand what is going on I have come to a biblical story. Being a disciple of a rabbi was only for the best of the best. When Jesus was gathering his disciples, he did not go to the temple and call forth learned men, people of great wealth, those who were best fit to be followers of a rabbi. No Jesus’ disciples were a ragtag bunch, among them a tax-collector and fishermen. Despite being not suitable as disciples Jesus saw something in them and during their discipleship they created new identities as followers of Christ. Jesus drew something out of them they didn’t know existed and they ended up changing the world.

Speaking now of the life of the mind, the caravan, the journey, whatever you want to call it, I still feel freshly called (and found). I have just stepped out of the boat, I have just put down all my things and started to walk away from my former life. I’m still unsure of what I’m supposed to do. Still very connected to my past but seeing great possibilities in front of me and a lot of hope that I will be transformed. I’m sure Jesus’ disciples often wondered why they were chosen (during good and bad times) as I often wonder how I got on board the caravan. Why am I so privileged to be part of a community that is changing the way we learn and think about education? I am not particularly special, definitely not the best of the best. There are of course many answers to this question (the technology revolution, leading right up to web 2.0 among the answers).

I’m not so concerned with answers though, as it has been said, “life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved”. And this post may just be a rehashing of ideas I have spoken about in previous blog posts (I’ve heard iteration is a good thing though). I’ve taken some odd comfort in these thoughts though, typing them out slowly and with much revision. Have I come to any new conclusions? I’m not sure. Should I be more concerned with who I am or who I am becoming? I know those questions are deeply intertwined.

I know my life is radically changing but, it is so hard to grasp what is changing and where that change is taking me it is sometimes easier to not think about it. I’m not sure how to end this post (or what its coherency is at this point). I guess I can just reiterate what has been the (sort of) main point in this post.

I am wholly unfit, but I am willing. Consider yourselves warned.

Recently Steve, my perpetual muse, asked me this question:

“If you were President of the College, how would you create a culture of trust and a community of learners between faculty, staff and students? What are the key issues and questions that would need to be addressed? “

I gave him a list of a couple suggestions and key issues I thought would need to addressed. While I was typing out this list I had one of those flashes of new understanding that linger on the edges and then pop out of nowhere, often occuring while in the midst of writing. So as my behavior often is when I am in a chatting mode I impetuously wrote out a rant and sent it off to Steve, who doesn’t seem to mind my lack of proofreading too much (thanks Steve!).

So here is the cleaned up version of that sudden a-ha moment I wrote in one shot, late at night. Why I am a real school fool, or, why I think Real School is really awesome:

A thought occurred to me while reading Computer Lib/Dream Machines. The work (and play) I am doing now, the discussions I have been having, could have a real world impact. This has obviously been true for quite some time but, it struck me differently all the sudden. Thinking back on my previous school experiences, I thought about how much of that time was spent performing tests and writing papers that didn’t really matter. The tests and papers required answers in a vacuum and now that I have stepped outside the vacuum, and know there is life outside the vacuum, my actions outside it have a deeper impact. For a long time I have understood school as such: A poor grade reflected on my inability to remember an equation in math (or whatever), that didn’t mean much to me in the first place. The poor grade only affected me in my own bubble and ultimately determined whether I would go and where I would go to college, which, is the real goal of making it through grades k-12 (apparently). On the other side of this you’ve got real school. In real school not participating has real world consequences, what happens in real school effects real life, real school is real life. Problems are no longer discussed in a vacuum but, cut across subjects and time. Why shouldn’t these things connect? Aren’t subjects just human creations designed to organize ideas? Of course, more often than not in school, ideas end up being placed in a various subject-sealed containers. I cannot think of anything more exciting than the world no longer being about me but, about others! In real school students are freed from being the centers of their own universes and no longer have to have to hold everything together themselves. Participation in real school is not just for my own benefit of learning but, for others too. To share and connect, to journey on the caravan together, earth is a school. 

Originally uploaded by staylor336.

The transition from high school to college is complex enough and recently I’ve been wondering if technology has made it easier or harder. I don’t have much analysis on the matter because it is more a problem I have been dealing with and have felt more acutely since being home. College has long been regarded as a time where you can start over and find out who you are but, how easy is it in this very connected world? In this transitional time where society is becoming more and more dependent on the technologies that make us connected is my generations college experience (or our lives for that matter) setting a new precedent?

For instance, cellphones keep you connected at all times and even screening calls is a little more difficult because people know you can see their missed calls. People even get upset if you are the type of person that keeps your cellphone off regularly (I used to be this type of person) because not being able to contact someone at every moment is just horrible, right? I’m not trying to put down connectivity because I have been enjoying the benefits of applications like Twitter ever since the Faculty Academy but, I’m wondering how do we go about disconnecting from certain things? Isn’t there a time when we need to move on or readjust our connections?

Perhaps I feel my worlds (yes worlds) are colliding (or will soon be) and I don’t know if I should put up boundaries or just let it be. Most of my family knows I blog but, I am still reluctant to give those who ask the URL. I can think of some family members I wouldn’t mind sharing it with but, others I rather not see it. The same thing goes for friends from high school and friends from college. My blog is out there though, isn’t it? I don’t make posts private and I really don’t talk about embarrassing personal stories that I wouldn’t want my mom to know but, I can’t help feel that there needs to be a separation. In an attempt to try to sort out who I am my thoughts often end up being showcased on my blog. A simple solution would be not to blog about it or limit it but, I don’t think I could really consider that option. Maybe I feel like I am under a microscope of sorts and because my generation spends countless hours on Facebook following people I fear if I shared my blog with peers I would be subject to that same watchful eye, especially since there aren’t many student bloggers. Maybe it is my fear of being known or maybe I just care too much about what others might think?

Today I googled my name and on the first page there was multiple links connecting people to me. It is becoming easier to find me and things I have said.

One of my friends recently left a post on my wall on Facebook and told me while doing a google search she found my blog.

Am I really afraid to fail and “fail gloriously”? Yes. Years of being subtly told failure is to be avoided and making a mistake is a sign of sloppiness, stupidity, or apathy. I’m struggling because I’m not sure I am really ok with making a mistake. When people are more likely to ask me what my GPA is than what I learned I cannot help but feeling failure needs to be avoided. People will try to put learning from mistakes in a shiny light but, more often it feels like it would have been better to have avoided making the mistake in the first place.

Here I am though, sharing this with the whole world. Although while I am writing this I am thinking about the people who read my blog and comment, more than I am imagining everyone on the web. A wise friend recently said to me it is “…interesting how the audience can call something out of us. We know that at least a few trusted readers will read it. Later we learn that many other folks will also love it–but it’s the trusted circle that calls it forth”. I think that is one of the reasons I continue to share and put this out there, it is these people who I can trust to respond with something meaningful to say. If I fail in front of these people I need not fear being ridiculed, these people embrace “making a mess”.

My life is the editing stages, preparing for a major mashup of my past and present lives. As my online life becomes more transparent and as I plan to purposely do this starting this fall (atleast that is what I am telling myself) I have come back to idea of connections. It is clear that not all connections are equal, some are more valued than others. So as I deal with feelings of anxiety and worry about how well things will come together I have to remember to take a deep breath. I am starting to realize I am not enslaved by these connections, in fact I may very well be in charge of these connections. This may just be a matter of asserting myself and taking risks but, that is an issue for another blog post.

Just a brief update from the Emerald Isle.

I haven’t missed the internet too much but, I miss having instant access to connection. I know there is so much going on and I don’t enjoy missing the action but, I needed a break from it.

We are staying in a cottage in Doneraile in County Cork and it is really out in the country. It takes us about 20 minutes to get to Mallow which is not even that big of a city. There are cows in the backyard and the roads are very narrow. I think I have determined that Europeans aren’t more environmentally conscious than Americans but, in actuality it would be a physical impossibility to drive a large car on the narrow roads.

I’ve gone through several batteries so there will be plenty of pictures to upload when I return. We plan on going to the Dingle Peninsula soon guess I need to buy more batteries, I’ve got to remember not to take a picture of every green hill, it is hard not to though.

Being disconnected from the internet (for the most part) has given me time to just write without checking out what everyone was doing every five minutes. When I’m not writing I’m reading some books I picked up in the Atlanta airport. More reflections to come when I get home, when I don’t have to pay for internet access.

The craic has been mighty.

I usually don’t like to get too personal on my blog but, I have been partially inspired by Laura who recently delved into her past to share reasons why she is not a scientist. So on this Father’s Day I would like to take the time to thank my dad, celebrate his life and reflect on what he has taught, and still continues to teach me.

This is now the fourth year where I didn’t get to say “Happy Father’s Day” and buy a necktie, cd, or card. The passage of time has made such days easier and memories bring more smiles than tears now. As Barbara Ganley so eloquently said in her Faculty Academy talk in reference to the recent passing of her own father, “…my relationship with him has not ended but has shifted into memory conversations and flashes of understanding I never had the time to reach because I was so busy in my relationship being with him in the present”. Leave it to Barbara to beautifully state the relationship I have had with my father for over four years now. I continue to learn from my father and have recently felt his presence more acutely as I begin to understand his own methods of teaching me.

My father appeared to be quiet man to many people but, his warmth never failed to come through, he taught through his actions rather than words. Those close to him were blessed with the opportunity to hear him speak at length, sharing his wisdom that seemed to come from a mysterious place far beyond my own understanding. I was so used to these conversations with my father growing up I didn’t realize their rarity until my Aunt pointed it out to me a year or so ago how special my relationship with him was.

I have learned the value of being active from him. He taught me how to ride a bike, swing a golf club, throw a baseball, tend to a garden. My father and I share the same natural athleticism that drives us to be competitive on the field and even though he grew up loving the game of baseball he easily made the transition to soccer coach when I expressed more interest in it than baseball. From 1996-2002 when I played on the inter-city travel soccer league he was the assistant coach. We must have made hundreds of trips in his Saturn to games and tournaments and some of my fondest memories of him come from those rides together. It wasn’t until after his death that I realized how he was a constant in my soccer life and for several months I could not bring myself to play. He did not grow up playing soccer but, he studied, watched, and played so he could learn the nuances of the game. The bond we shared over soccer wasn’t just a mutual love of sports but, went down deeper to the bonds between people that form over shared experiences.

When I went to California for the first time in 2004 I wondered what he would have said to me, having spent a good part of his young adult years on the west coast. I even climbed Telegraph Hill trying to imagine where the shop he had was, hoping I could reach across time to contact him there. Hiking through the Sierra Mountains I thought about the stories I had heard from my Aunt about him spending weeks with people hiking out into nature and those people being amazed by his knowledge and love of the outdoors. I think I understand where my wanderlust comes from now.

It comes as no surprise that he was an avid gardener. Maintaining a large plot of land in our backyard with such ease that the rest of us still haven’t figure out his secret. Now the garden has been overrun with weeds but, naturally weeds that grow quickly and abundantly. My father had a spiritual relationship with nature and he felt most at peace when he dug into the dirt, creating life with a well practiced dance of watering, weeding, and trust in mother nature herself. Even at his grave when other plants nearby are dying his stone is almost obscured by the plants growing around it, it is truly an amazing sight to see.

In his own way he supported my curiosity to learn. In elementary school when I wanted to be an astronomer he went out and bought plastic glow-in-the-dark stars and books on constellations so we could set up an accurate night sky on my ceiling. It wasn’t until my freshman year in college that I uncovered a lesson my dad had been teaching me my whole life. In his pursuit of knowledge and new experiences he taught me the value of being able to have an open mind and to be open to change. When my father became a manager at a factory where most of the workers spoke spanish he went ahead and learned spanish. When computers and the internet were starting to take over my dad took classes on computer programming, he knew that computers were the future. I have no doubt that if my father were still alive that he would pretty web 2.0 savvy, perhaps even dabbling in blogging. When he became too ill to work and was subjected to lying on the couch most of the day he would watch the food network and would learn to create elaborate meals that would have even impressed Emeril.

My family nickname that he created when I was little still carries on and has been more widely used by family members that are perhaps trying to keep memories of him (and my cousin Ryan who also used it) alive. I respond to the nickname like a second first name and each utterance is a testament to my fathers influence.

In his death my father has taught me the value of life. I have learned to love the small things and the small moments that seem so ordinary but, are the times that add the richness and depth to our lives. My small post on the internet does not do him justice but, in the vast realms of the internet I dedicate this small space to his memory. As I think about it his memory isn’t restrained to what I can put down on paper or on a blog. Even though memories of my father will fade, his lessons will continue to carry on and even one day influence my children who will not even know him except through what I share.

My father’s life and death have influenced me in so many ways that I’m not sure I’ll ever fully comprehend it all. Even though I have lived a fourth of my life without the physical presence of my father, every garden that grows and soccer field filled with noise is a subtle reminder of his love, a love that transcends time.

Happy Father’s Day to all dads. Your importance and influence may go unnoticed at times but, your children are forever changed by all those moments spent with them, no matter where that time is spent.

Ever since the Ronco discussion I attended I’ve been thinking about student buy-in into the idea of real education, life of the mind, the caravan, etc. I’ve been swinging between an optimistic and a pessimistic view.

Most days I feel like getting on the roof of my house and shouting out to anyone who will listen about this exciting adventure I am on at Mary Washington. During these high points I can envision students grasping the concept of real and reflective learning and I want to be able to go to the FSEMs this fall and see the new freshman wrestle with this idea. I want to do what so many people have done for me and include them into “the conversation” and show them they can’t pass up this opportunity. I get genuinely excited at the thought of having conversations with fellow students on any topic through an academic lens. Instead of just complaining about classes students talking about what they learned and are even excited to share this information.

Of course with the high comes the crash down into the low valley of pessimism. There is such a culture of anti-school and in some ways anti-intellectualism among students that mass conversion seems impossible. I’m not looking for an instant change or mass conversion overnight but, I wonder how far can we get in the next three years? I’m taking this moment to be a little selfish in wanting all these changes to happen during my stay at Mary Washington but, I want it! I wonder how do we convince students that the caravan IS really cool? I do believe we are moving in the right direction by encouraging reflective thinking and using different tech tools to help make clear connections in learning but, is it enough? I just have visions of the future where technology has made it possible to see connections and has created a rich learning environment but, students do nothing with it. I guess this goes back to the argument made by several people that it is not about the tools but, what the technology enables people to do. Maybe I just don’t have faith in faculty and students to take this movement seriously. There is just so many ways for this to go wrong (I need to stop listening to emo music) that I often miss how many ways that it could work out. I have trouble convincing myself that even if we make a mistake it is ok, making a mess is ok.

I suppose a lot of this conflict comes from my own internal conflict. My secret desire to be a revolutionary even though I am usually adverse to risk and being outspoken. Steve recently sent me this cartoon. I think it describes exactly how I feel during those low moments when everything seems so impossible.

Martha raised an interesting point in a recent post about different types of blogging. It may not be something that most bloggers think about but, just as there are different writing styles there must be different blogging styles. Are there right and wrong ways to go about blogging? Well I suppose we need to know how people are blogging in the first place, so here is my response to her questions.

1) Generally, are you an impetuous blogger? Or do you mull over an idea or post for hours, days, weeks before hand? Do you draft a post and then let it sit until you’ve had a chance to revise it multiple times, perfecting your language and point?

I would say I definitely mull over ideas awhile but, once I start writing about it like to get it all done in one sitting. I’ve recently tried just writing out ideas and then coming back to them later but, now I have several posts that are not quite done. I’ve never been a real good proof-reader but, I do try to go over my stuff once or twice before posting. 

2) Do you “collect” the references in your posts before you write them (if so, describe your system)? Or do you blog with 15 windows open, copying and pasting quotes and URLs, as needed?

Since I tend to just sit down and write out a post I’ll just have 15 windows open and copy and paste.  

3) Do you blog in the admin panel of your blog? Or do you use some third-party tool? If you use a tool, what features does it have that hooked you?

I’m pretty boring I just use the admin panel, works fine for me. 

4) Do you automatically consider placing images in your posts? Or does this not even occur to you, usually?

I rarely use images in my posts I don’t think the thought ever really occurs to me. I’ve been tempted to try including more visual pieces but, I don’t want to force it. 

5) Do you write posts and then delete them before clicking “Publish?” Or, by extension, do you have draft posts that have languished for days, weeks, months waiting for you to pull the trigger?

I’ve had a couple of posts that have been saved as drafts and when I take another look at them I delete them. Most of those are incomplete posts that only contained ideas or were half done. I don’t think I could stand see a draft post sitting, especially if I’ve put a lot of effort and think it is a quality post.

6) Do you feel compelled to blog on a schedule? Do you feel guilty when you don’t?

I don’t feel compelled to blog on a schedule but, I do feel guilty when my blog has been silent for more than a week or so, especially if I don’t have any good reason not to be blogging (like recently!).

7) Do you “craft” the experience of your blog, adding sidebar widgets and custom graphics to lure readers into your space?

Never really put much thought into crafting an experience to lure readers in, I’ve just put widgets I thought were cool up. Things to think about… 

At the end of class the other day, a student who had some questions before an imminent midterm asked me when I would be available the next day for office hours. Now, I commute an hour each way to campus, and I had planned on good library time the next day.

I suggested a solution: “Why don’t you IM me if you have questions? I’ll be on-line most of the day?”

I have to say, the student’s response took me a little aback: “Why would I IM my professor? That’s just weird.”

My perspective came from thinking of IM-technology as a tool to enhance, enrich, and expand communication, one which is suitable for a variety of contexts, both personal and professional. While I certainly do use IM in a personal context, I am straining at the bit to think of viable ways in which to harness the “back-channel” potential of it in the classroom. And, while some meetings are best done face-to-face, during the busiest times of the year when every second seems to count, I must confess, I could be persuaded to hold a number of meetings electronically.

It occurred to me, though, that this student’s objections to holding conference via instant message conveyed an undercurrent of imputation–an imputation, in fact, of violation. I had unwittingly wandered into a DMZ between public and private domains. Although I, myself, never troll through Facebook, I have heard similar anecdotes about students expressing feelings of violation when their professors and administrators look them up or simply have a presence of their own on Facebook. I wonder how they will feel when future employers who have fewer qualms than I do about trodding into “private” public territory read about their undergraduate escapades? (Dean Dad has a great post about this! And Techist is using Facebook in very interesting ways…)

No doubt, there is a generational gap at work here, one in which notional boundaries between “public” and “private” are contestable. While I want to remain sensitive to students’ desire for privacy, it also seems to me to be the case that the academy can do more to embrace these tools and to help define the parameters of etiquette.

Readers, how do you tactfully negotiate the “public” and “private”?

In a recent post entitled “The Battle is (or Will be) Lost”, Will Richardson relates a story that Eric Schmidt, the CEO of Google, told at the Personal Democracy Forum. Disappointed that in weekly meetings his staff had their faces in their computers, he banned computers. The following week, thinking that his staff were all leaning forward in deep engagement, he came to find that they were all using their blackberries under the table. Richardson quoted Schmidt: “This is a battle that we have lost, and I think it’s fine” because it shows just how important these technologies are.

I found this story very interesting for a number of reasons. First, the CEO of Google, a company that has made all kinds of web-based interconnectedness and sharing of information possible, banned computers from meetings, rather than harnessing and capitalizing on the “back-channel” potential.

Second, his use of militarized language expresses more than just an experience of generational gap; he acknowledges that we are standing in the midst of a cultural and technological revolution that has happened, is happening, and will continue to change and shape the ways in which we communicate, explore ideas, and share information.

In this brave new world, what are our expectations for behavior? Should I assume, for example, that a student is not “paying attention” when his face is focused on his laptop? What if he is actually looking up the the floorplan of the Boule in the Athenian agora and instant messaging that link to another student who just made a very interesting comment on the relationship between civic space and citizen participation in the world’s first democracy?

Moreover, what if teachers and leaders were to encourage the using of these tools to foster interaction, independence, initiative, and collaboration within a learning community?

In his post, Will Richardson draws the proverbial line in the sand:

And so there it is. There is really the crux of this. We. Cannot. Win. This battle has been lost, the problem is most parents, and most educators just don’t get it yet. All this banning of cell phones and taking down wikis and filtering out blogs…all of it is our own little Iraq. It’s not working. It’s not going to work…More restrictions, more blocking, more battening down the information hatches is only going to drive it all underground and make the world of our kids less safe. And, it will deny us a chance to help our kids develop and employ the literacies they are going to need to succeed in their future.

 

I would only add that when we restrict, block, and batten down, we serve only to isolate ourselves. Rather, what we can do is embrace the possibilities by forging a new code of behavioral expectations that supports each contributing member of a community (a staff-meeting; a classroom) bringing her network and all the information and approaches to problem-solving that are expressed within it to the table.